Point and shoot

I am talking about cameras!  Not colleagues.
This evening I went to the first session of a short course I signed up for on using your point and shoot camera. Complete demystification in under two hours. I now understand what all those little setting pictures mean: you know, the little flower or the mountains or the action man. They adjust aperture and shutter speed to levels appropriate for portraiture with shallow field or landscape with deep field etc. Wow! Totally worth the price of entry.

student redux

For long time readers.... hello all two or three of you. You may recall the story from a couple of years back about the student who was contesting a grade in a Spanish class and forged a doctor's letter about illness. When I suggested that before we could meet, I would need a letter on letterhead and signed and dated by said doctor. To which I received the reply by email, "What is letterheaded?"
That student got an academic suspension after much wrangling with the football powers that be who didn't want him to "suffer" too much.
Tonight is the big Utah BYU game for Homecoming and I notice that our friend is back and big on the team. Hopefully he found out what letterhead is incase he needs to do any more forgery.

Not being chair

You can tell it has been awhile since a post when you log on and the entire interface has changed... took me a few seconds to even find a window to type in.
Not being department chair is a beautiful thing. It is as though I have been wrapped in wads and wads of cotton wool through which I can still vaguely hear and see annoying things, but not well enough for them to penetrate the cocoon.
That's not to say we don't have our own craziness at the Center. Today our poor office assistant got on the wrong side of a student who then proceeded to whip out her phone and start videoing their interaction. She even stalked her to the bathroom.
Then the Arabic TA who missed orientation and showed up late for classes starting quit today. Hers was a convoluted tale of "she was having a miscarriage so she couldn't come to orientation; then she actually wasn't pregnant so, whew, but then she was and "took some medicine" that caused her to have a miscarriage, so she has to quit the program...or so was the story told by her husband to our administrative assistant today. No one could quite follow and he kept interjecting that he was 'really fed up' with his wife. We agreed it was a trying situation.
The Center is up and running but we don't actually have any space. The remodeling project drags on, well, it has yet to officially start. But yesterday we picked furniture finishes and chair fabric and carpeting so it seems a little more likely to happen during this calendar year.

WOW

Long time no post. Partly I have been pondering whether to keep at it... The blog and its title were conceived at the beginning of my run as department chair and now I am no longer chair, so maybe no more blog? Not sure. Today was the annual fall departmental retreat and I did not have to attend due to my sabbatical. I cast about for an activity suitably opposite to sitting in a room listening to whinging and  bemoaning and flagellating....and I went to the local pool and sat in the sun and read a mystery novel. Bliss.

Love

What a super day. A lie in Mum's super comfortable bed with a plethora of down pillows. I enjoyed every cushy bit of feathery goodness. My down pillows at home have been banned because they make Craig wheeze...and I do miss them.
Then we wandered down to Starbucks for a delicious latte and then into Waitrose which is full of such yummy looking food. Bought some beet and horseradish soup for lunch and it was fab.
Then down to see mum's new neighborhood and peek into her new house. We have an appointment to see it for real on Monday. After that I boarded my train to York and three hours later, here I am. I am booked in to my cute little b&b. I got settled and wandered out to explore the neighborhood. Small streets with terraced brick houses. I couldn't resist Tony's Plaice which I happened upon just as Friday night 'fry time' was starting... a nice piece of haddock and chips -- delicious. They had signage up claiming that fish and chips is better for you than other fast food, burgers and chips etc. I decided to believe them.

Full Circle

Today is a super special day. Besides being Canada Day....I am no longer Co-Chair of my department. Yay!!!!!! Last night I dreamt that I got stuck on public transport two separate times each time with one of my least favorite colleagues who proceeded to tell me how much they hated my leadership and how relieved they were that it was over. In another weird dream scene, my most difficult colleague passed me in a speedo announcing that the new chair had suggested she join the swim team (I didn't know we had one) and how great that was that she had taken a personal interest in her extra-curricular development. I just kept thinking that seeing this person in a speedo was not improving my mood one bit.
I started this blog because of becoming chair; but no fear, I don't plan to end it. So stay tuned for continuing sporadic updates.

Summer Seminar

Another wonderful seminar for chairs done and dusted. For this one I got to travel to a new (for me) destination, Eugene Oregon. The sun is out today and it is beautiful. Yesterday I visited their Saturday market which was like entering a time warp. Booth after booth of tie dye and leather goods.... Absolutely gorgeous produce, artisanal cheeses, flowers to die for. It was fantastic. I wish I could have bought armfuls of the basil to take home.
Now I am at the tiny airport which is staffed by the nicest people I have ever seen working at an airport. Bought one of those mini packets of motrin and the cashier immediately offered me her scissors because "those packages can be really difficult to open." My favorite though was the college student at security whose luggage consisted of a large clear plastic bag filled with a paltry few items and a skateboard.
Next week I will be at the other summer seminar in Nashville. Craig deigns to join me and will spend his days going from pawn shop to pawn shop checking out hocked music gear.

Yulia's diplomatic take on soap issue

Dear Student,

That might be an issue. I honestly do not know. All the detergent that my mother uses has a strong perfume smell. Maybe there is something for sensitive skin.

I would bring some detergent with you for the first time before we can find something for you. I guess if you feel that you run out of the detergent and you cannot find anything else that you can use, you can ask your mam to ship you more, but keep in mind that it takes a 6 weeks for a parcel to get to Krasnoyarsk from the States.

In the worst case scenario you can buy baby soap and wash clothes with that by hand.

Yulia

Russia, part umpteenth

Student wants to know:
"Hey, I just realized that I forgot to mention on my housing form that I have sensitive skin: meaning that I can only use laundry detergent that is free & clear of all perfumes & dyes. Does that matter? I was going to bring my own laundry detergent to make it easier, but Julia Mikhailova said that the internal baggage weight for the airlines is only about 44lbs/20kg, and I don't want my luggage to be overweight...sorry about not putting it on the housing form...is the laundry detergent thing going to be an issue at all in Russia? because, if anything, I can have my mom ship me some of our laundry detergent once we get the address where i'm staying..."


Tempted to respond: "Everything is an issue in Russia."
But probably need to be a little less abrupt.


Can  you tell that I am beyond the end of my rope with this program. Today is the day we find out if the students will actually be able to get visas... if not, I may not be responsible for my actions.

Graduation pictures

Enjoying the bbq on the back deck.

 Cupcakes made by Catherine and Keziah. Keziah comes from the sort of family that owns a cupcake display thingy. Isn't it awesome. Alison, I'm talking to you!

Catherine, Todd, Sam and Gina who babysat them for years. Saved my single mom life every Wednesday night. And stayed with them for a week when Craig and I went to Hawaii in 2007.

graduation

Today was Catherine's graduation. Hard to believe (cliche) and yet so needed. She is ready to move on to the next phase of life. After the party we hosted ended, headed out to the garage to see if we have low profile chairs for the Sheryl Crow concert on Sunday.
Pic of me in my chair. With new hair cut. Probably should have washed and styled it, but between making kebabs and pasta salad and hemming Catherine's dress...

F.....ing Russians

This is the fourth year of our study abroad program in Krasnoyarsk. Every year things do not go smoothly and every year I think, ok, note to change things next year. And I do, but something new goes wrong. Learned last night that the visa invitation letters will not arrive in time for some students' US departures; or, rather, they can pay for one day visa processing at the consulate in San Francisco, but that service will run them $550 each!!!! I have promised myself that this is it. Never again. Not worth it. Students can go on someone else's program.

Hair

When I was in 7th grade I had my first salon hair cut, thanks to the persistent encouraging by my friend Michelle whose mother was a hair dresser. It was 1977 and I emerged with the Dorothy Hammill cut - see above. I HATED IT. I felt exposed, self-conscious, mortified -- insert other words of shame. The funny thing is it probably looked cute. Anyway, perhaps that is why I have always had a horror of hair salons. I instantly feel worried, inadequate and in danger of an unpleasant shearing. I have always been in awe of friends and their casual mentions of their stylists -- hell, even Craig has a stylist, but in true Mormon fashion she disappears periodically to drop another child. My best friends here in SLC, Val and Ellen, each have their go-to person and they look fab. Me, I go to Great Clips, pay my $13 and am proud that that line in my budget is miniscule. But, I am going grey and so periodically I toy with going to a real salon and getting my hair colored properly. Today I did. And, WOW! what a difference. I went to Val's guy, Stephen, and because I am now 49, and not 12, I could quell my insecurities and go with the flow of talking about my hair, my color, my style....huh? The downside, I was there for three hours; the upside, my hair is amazing!!!!! The color is spectacular, the attention to "building height here and lightening things up there"... well, I no longer look like a lollipop or a q-tip. Many more dollars than 13 later, I am home and happy.

Birthday

We went for fondue

 

We had cake.

With promises to be more regular about blogging, here are a few end of terms gems.

1) Student failed for plagiarizing a final paper stands outside our advisor's office and makes a phone call in which she is heard to say the following:
"I need you to come down here and explain to them that when you read that stuff to me over the phone that I typed into my paper, you were taking it from the internet......" Because that in her view would exonerate her....
Shortly followed by: "No, I don't want my money back...."

2) Had the joy of being interviewed by an investigator from the Utah Labor Antidiscrimination Board about a certain plagiarist of the more mature variety... apparently his troubles had nothing to do with his actions but evidenced a pro-Arabist plot on the part of yours truly and others.

3) Am considering kidnapping my sister Alison who is gifted with a strong decluttering gene so that she can help me move offices this summer. This would be the moment to get rid of photocopied articles from graduate school...

4) Had to inform faculty member that no, he could not tell a student she was barred from majoring in Chinese because it is her native language. His response, "don't we have a department policy against this?" Nope, and you have been here longer than me and were even Director of Undergraduate Studies for two years.

Coming tomorrow - birthday pictures of Catherine's 18th.

check up

At work we have the option of participating in health screenings to reduce our monthly insurance premiums so in the spirit of the great weight loss adventure, I decided to subject myself to two. The first was a measure of RMR -- resting metabolic rate. As I understand it, this tells you how many calories you burn just being alive. The number does not include calories burned walking around, brushing your teeth, eating bon bons etc. The second test was the body composition one which takes place in a pod like contraption. In both cases a piece of paper is printed at the end that tells you things you might rather not have known.... Actually the RMR was on the encouraging side. I learned that I have a metabolism between normal and fast. The bad news is that means weight gain is really a function of wine and other things... I can't moan about my sluggish metabolism being at fault. The bod pod test was pretty depressing and its numbers shall not be repeated here. The good news here is that I am not officially OBESE. Yay. However, I am also not "moderately lean" which is where I would like to be. You do find out how many lbs of you are non-fat though and the idea is to go back after losing weight and hopefully not have that number decline just the pounds of fat number. Its all about the baseline...

Summer already

It appears that we have gone straight to summer. It was in the 80s today and yesterday; Craig, bless him, got the swamp coolers running. I bought a chaise lounge and Sam has taken to it with a vengeance. Catherine is continuing to use the treadmill, which continues to inhabit the garage. Apart from the fact that it will probably get too hot in there over the summer, it actually isn't a bad place to have it. We are continuing to eat our strange diet concoctions and a lot of grilled chicken and salad. Results are amazing.

the great traveling spate ends

I made a whirlwind trip to Springfield Missouri at the beginning of the week to do another program review. And that concludes the weeks of travel that had me in Canada, England, Arizona and Missouri. I managed to get back up to Silver status on Delta. Now we enter the party season. Our work end of year party is on the 28th followed by goodbye for someone on the 10th, goodbye to our chairship dinner on the 12th, and of course my and Catherine's birthdays.
We have been engaging in serious dieting thanks to my old high school friend Joan who is our coach. We both decided to enter this summer looking fabulous so stay tuned.
To this end, I bought a treadmill yesterday which was delivered and is ENORMOUS. I have it in the garage as we contemplate how and where to put it in the house. The plan was to put it in the basement so we can watch TV, but I think we will end up banging our heads on the rather low ceiling....
Catherine is so dedicated that she used it in the garage yesterday.

yoga

Back to my weekly yoga night with Craig after two weeks away. I was achy. Apparently I groaned unacceptably during 'cat-cow'. I can confirm that I ended the practice with a wobbly om.

gem

My favorite Dear Abby type columnist is Carolyn Hax.

This was the concluding line of her column this morning:

choosing actions consistent with your goals is a path to happiness, unto itself.

I am a writer

Some of you may know that I have been trying to write for the past year - -in the genre called memoir of creative nonfiction. To motivate myself, I have submitted a couple of pieces to competitions. I haven't hit the jackpot, but was very chuffed to get this yesterday:

Dear Jane F. Hacking,

> Thank you for participating in the 2012 Summer Literary Seminars

> <http://sumlitsem.org/> Unified Literary Contest. It was our largest and

> strongest contest to date, with 1600 submissions received from every

> corner of North America and the rest of the world. The results have now

> been posted on our website: www.sumlitsem.org <http://www.sumlitsem.org/>

> .

>

> As indicated previously, we are offering a number of merit-based

> fellowships to the contestants whose work placed beyond the mean of this

> year's submissions. Our judges were strongly impressed with the work you

> submitted, and we are pleased to offer you an SLS fellowship, in the

> amount of a 30% tuition waiver. This offer is being extended to the thirty

> final runners-up in the respective categories of fiction, poetry, and

> non-fiction.

Welcome back

OK, back in Utah and ready to recommit to blogging.

Random thought: just like people seem to be either cat people or dog people, people seem to be either canister or upright when it comes to vacuum cleaners. Craig and I, as in so many things, do not agree. Do you all think it just stems from what you grew up with?

For Alison: I promised work gems.

Got back into the office on Thursday morning and asked Fernando what I had missed.

1) The guy who teaches Kmer is in hospital and unlikely to return before semester's end. Quick, find another speaker of Khmer qualified to teach....starting tomorrow. Done. We are that good (or, at least Fernando is).

2) Wife of Arabic instructor who is scheduled to teach conversational Arabic for us starting in mid-May broke both legs in a car accident while I was gone. Will not be teaching from her wheel chair apparently.

3) Faculty member who discovered this term that she has a hole in her heart (when I asked her if she had known this, she replied, "Well, I knew about the figurative one, not the literal one.") is not American and puzzled to learn that insurance will only cover the operation to repair the hole if it is large enough. If smaller than designated size, she must have two strokes first to qualify for surgery.

Tale of Hotels

So with all this traveling, I am seeing some hotels. You know you are at the US Naval Academy when your suite comes equipped with an electric shoe polisher... And then Catherine and I dipped seriously down the food chain in Tempe Arizona at the hotel next to ASU's campus where everything was tired but they hoped it was made up for by the large cage with exotic bird in the lobby. This week, Alison promises me the Grand Hotel Brighton, which will, I am certain, eclipse the others.

Travel

On my way to Baltimore. I had the very pleasant experience of being rung up by Delta to see if I wanted to change to a nonstop flight and be in first class as opposed to coach via Minneapolis. Ummmm, that took a little thought, not. So here I am, perched in my first class seat with the wifi hooked up and having gotten to leave the house three hours later. This meant I could do a snow shoe up Mill Creek with Sam and Craig, a shopping blitz with Catherine and some quality time on 19th century European history with Sam. Yay.

This is the big travel binge. Annapolis (Naval Academy review) till Wednesday, then Thursday thru Saturday in Phoenix, home for two days and then off to UK for Stiff Little Fingers concert and other merriment.

skin

So, I tried the microdermabrasion thing again. Astute readers may recall that the last attempt was before a tense faculty meeting and I attributed the less than happy reaction my skin had to that stress. But, it didn't much like it this time either.

On the subject of skin, I also invested in some very expensive skin care products in December and my skin does not like these either. I heard on the radio today that Jennifer Aniston spends about $8,000 a month on her physical upkeep: products, private yoga, dietician, etc. My modest $200 outlay (products formulated by a Beverly Hills dermatologist) pales by comparison... as does my skin condition.

Poutine

No trip to Canada would be complete without a picture of:

Followed by the robocall scandal that dominated the Canadian news

Ottawa pics

At the National Gallery:

At Randall and Don's local:

Back at the National Gallery:

Walking to dinner:

Things I had forgotten about Canada

1) They have the nicest immigration officers, hands down.

2) A hat is not optional in the winter if you plan to spend any time out of doors. Had to buy one after half an hour of walking today so I could keep going.

3) The amount of salt on the sidewalks is immense. My boots are now sporting the telltale white lines around the edges -- I also don't walk anywhere seriously in SLC so I guess it may be that and not Canadian over-salting...

4) People walk much faster.

5) Many, many men wear backpacks to carry their stuff around with them.

6) Far fewer people seem to be on their mobiles while walking, maybe because it is so cold and they are going so fast?

7) And it isn't even super cold.

odds and ends

"Do you think there is any connection between the amniotic sac and the...." beginning of just one of the scintillating questions @ our Classics job talk.

Heard at our most recent chairs meeting:

"I just had to meet with that very long acronym that kicks back a department's revised RPT guidelines." I like the idea of meeting with an acronym.

And, spotted around the office yesterday: a random woman washing her hair in the kitchen sink with dish soap... When it was suggested that this wasn't really the place... she rinsed and dried off with paper towels and left.

From around the office

Subject line of an email this morning:

[uaac-all] FW: list of deceased students

....

And then this posted on one of our bulletin boards...

MI-5

Craig and watched the last episode of MI-5 available on Netflix last night. What will we do now? I now there is one last season coming out in March, but then....? suggestions for a series we might get hooked on?

Valentine's Day - blech

Not my favorite holiday but Catherine, Craig and I had a nice dinner at our local Mexican hole in the wall. I outdid Craig because I actually got him a gift. Usually he is much better at this sort of thing, but this year he came up with nothing which I said was actually a good gift because I could look good by contrast.

Today was also Sam's first filling - a rite of passage. He did just fine and got to experience that fat lip feeling for the rest of the afternoon.

Work continues to be entertaining.

We are down to the final stages of our search for a new chair. Three candidates were brought in and each regaled us with a scholarly talk and a 'vision' talk. On Thursday we meet to discuss their relative pros and cons and from the hallway buzz it is clear that people are feeling passionately, but not necessarily in a unified way (what a surprise). I am tempted to do a secret recording because I suspect serious gems will be uttered....

The search committee met with the staff yesterday and the staff were completely traumatized. The dominant committee members revealed their true hierarchical nature--we've invited you to share your opinion, but, actually, your opinion is irrelevant, because you are mere staff...

Our wonderful Administrative Officer remarked this morning that she hadn't realized she worked at Downtown Abbey and wondered if a basement would be excavated to which she and the rest of the staff could be relegated.

good times.

Where is everyone?

Where are my commentators? And what happened to Alison's daily blogging pledge? And mum, what have you been up to lately?

Sam and I are reviewing the horrors of the French Revolution. Catherine and I have to finish the horrors of the FAFSA; for which Craig had to plumb the horrors of our 2011 taxes. We are all suitably horrified.

ha ha

http://www.smbc-comics.com/?id=2502

Oh, so I am not the only one

Recall cryptic reference to difficult colleague demanding unearned perks.... Here's a gem from said colleague's fall course evals:

1. strongly suggest new line of work. prison guard? 2. the. worst. ever. why is this "perfessor" teaching university, esp. req. course? not enough space here to say how unprofessional. ugly cloud over classroom for 14 wks. why bother with survey like this? she said in class that she's tenured and could not care less what anybody says thinks or does. disrespectful, dishonest, deliberately hurtful,screams insults at students,students crying during class, mandatory unscheduled saturday 8 hr. class to make up for the wasting time during semester, classes went pass deadline, slutty attire. perhaps needs professional help? issues with father, mother? god only knows. pathetic.

Saturday

Happy Saturday! I survived the end of the week. Meeting on department future Thursday afternoon was pretty awful. Some of my colleagues really have no institutional memory, suggesting solutions which they rejected just a few years ago. Their plan for curricular reform merits a metaphor someone used at a summer seminar a couple of years back: "its the equivalent of a bad combover." My friends, the head is still bald.

By contrast yesterday's meeting to talk explicitly about the Language Center rocked. We had excellent presentations from people outside the department and there was a level of energy and excitement that I have found missing within the department for a long time.

It is a rainy, weirdly mild day today. We seem to have England's weather and we would like ours back whoever has taken it. There has been a dearth of snow. I have yet to ski this year.

Just in time

Rachel sent me an absolutely fantastic T-shirt which arrived yesterday. Shall I wear it to the bound to be contentious faculty meeting today?

tick tock, when am I no longer chair?

Things at work are coming to a head; unfortunately I cannot post much that isn't terribly cryptic because I wouldn't want to get myself into trouble. One of my colleagues at another school uses the acronym: FBB (faculty behaving badly) and I can just say that there is quite a bit of that going on. My favorite was someone taking umbrage at us for impugning her integrity, after she had tried to leverage her famous husband's position and grant money to get something out of us she didn't earn on her own merits...

I momentarily misplaced my straight face.

Two big meetings tomorrow and Friday that will reveal a little more of how the department and language center will move forward.

I should provide pictures

Today Ellen and Zack came over to hang out while stuff they needed to be out of their house for was happening. While I made tabouleh for Craig to take to a jam session this evening and Zach watched Monster Trucks, I could tell Ellen was itching to tidy. She has "the gene" as Daniel calls it. I was teasing her and she said she didn't want to offend me but.... So I said have at it. And now our kitchen looks unlike it ever has. She cleaned out two whole cupboards in addition to washing dishes, cleaning countertops, washing out the thing we keep spatulas and spoons in, etc. You get the idea. Heaven.

new term, more fun

Perhaps some beginning of term vignettes to paint a portrait of life in the chair's office.

1) New meaning for TMI: checking in on faculty member off last term for prostate cancer treatment and I receive this email.

dear jane:

thank you for the e-mail asking me about my situation.

i hope that i will be fine. i still have problems such as feelings of urgency, frequent urination and occasional bladder spasm (you do not want to hear all about these). despite the side effects, i am positive that i will be able to perform the duties.

2) Continued interaction with student who believes there are FBI spies in her Arabic class.

3) Asked colleague who needs to go out of town for family meeting to make plan for elderly mother if there is anything I can do to help. Response: "place pillow over my sister's face."

So, all in all, things are off to a rousing start.

MLA

Back from four days in Seattle at the MLA convention. It was a wonderful trip. Seattle was fabulous - and like Portland, food just beyond delicious. What is wrong with food in SLC? Here is a picture of me delivering the award for outstanding service to John Grandin. Nice, bland conference room surroundings and I have my eyes closed, but proof that I acted in my 'presidential' capacity.

Seattle was gorgeous. I managed a walk before leaving and here are a few pictures:

Walking downtown.

On the waterfront.

Flying home the pilot took us this close to Mt. Ranier.

Dream + questions

I dreamt that there was a decapitated mouse running around our house. Apparently I was responsible for its headless state, and I felt terribly sad and remorseful but as none of us could bear to look at it decided we had to put it outside. Obviously this was to consign it to a certain death. I let him go and watched as he found a stuffed animal some child had left out and snuggled up to it.

So, my dear readers: who is the mouse? who is the stuffed animal? Am I beyond redemption?

Viewing

I shall follow the good example of family members who have resolved to blog more in 2012.

Went to see Melancholia on New Year's Eve afternoon with Ellen. Stunning visually and thematically haunting. I 'enjoyed' particularly the portrayal of depression which rings painfully true for anyone who has experienced it.

Yesterday afternoon Craig talked me into The Muppets. Mildly embarrassing to be sat there when a colleague shows up, but she has children with her.... I only have Craig....

Our evenings of late have been cozying up to Netflix for MI-5.